


Love me still (or not)

by Eli2003



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, At the start, But like involuntary cause seizure, Caring Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Chaotic Quackity, Chat is there, Comfort, Dadza, Disability, DreamSMP - Freeform, Epilepsy, Fluff and Angst, Gen, George has Epilepsy, Hospitals, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, If You Squint - Freeform, Kid Fic, Loss of Control, No beta we die like dream, Protective Niki, Secrets, Seizures, Sleepy George, Slightly - Freeform, Streaming, Tomic-Clonic Seizures, Wetting, absence seizures, don't make it weird, dreamnotfound, really hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29640057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eli2003/pseuds/Eli2003
Summary: George has Epilepsy. He found it difficult to tell his friends and was easy to hide behind a screen. What happens when he is forced to reveal the truth?
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound & Niki | Nihachu, GeorgeNotFound & Wilbur Soot, No Romantic Relationship(s), etc, if you squint
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87
Collections: Representation for Disabilities etc in mcyt fics





	Love me still (or not)

**NOTE:**

_I am not somebody who personally suffers with epilepsy (This story features Generalised Seizures of epilepsy; Tonic-Clonic Seizures; Absence Seizures and Myoclonic Seizures) however I have done a LOT of research into epilepsy and seizures to help understand common issues, what it is like, what it looks like, different types etc. So hopefully my writing will be mostly accurate, but if you find any inaccuracies or inconsistencies that you KNOW are false. I also have a cousin who has epilepsy and experiences seizures and the experiences of the book, and have witnessed multiple of those. She once had a seizure on top of me on the eggs at Tesco, which to be fair was more safe for her but that's a funny anecdote we like to say. I have witnessed multiple episodes and hopefully am informed enough on the procedures and safety precautions to take. This book hopefully educates some people on experiences and challenges of people with epilepsy, but I must say that although most common, the epilepsy in this book is not the only form, and can come with many different symptoms and experience. I am in no way saying that George has epilepsy, I am using his character as an outlet, but this does follow real-life since that's the most realistic- I feel that if set in the Minecraft universe then there would be more question as to the truth of what I wrote. Feel free to leave feedback and if you're here from my other books, I haven't forgotten about them. There were complications but that's okay :)_

When George was six, he had been rushed to hospital from his primary school. He had collapsed on the floor after dinner time and began fitting, and despite the 'professional' training of his teachers, they had failed to fulfil their safety procedures and he had choked on something he had been chewing, which wasn't uncommon at his age.

George had no prior history of seizures, which was all the more reason for the school to ring 999, as he was rushed away in an ambulance. That was his first seizure- Well... What anyone was aware of. The hospital began rigorously testing him, however as he had not showed any repeated symptoms, he was sent home with advice to get lots of rest and for his parents to keep an eye on the small boy.

Around half a year later, George was rushed to the hospital again for the same reason, however experienced a second episode less than 24 hours later. George didn't exactly know what happened after that, with many appointments ahead, the boy was finally diagnoses with a form of epilepsy. Something to do with having two or more seizures in a 24 hour period... They told his parents that these likely weren't the only seizures he had experienced and that there were many types that they just didn't recognise.

From that point his parents and peers were quite cautious around him, his mum found it necessary to alter his diet to what was recommended to those with the same condition. Eventually their hold on him relaxed again as he gained more independence, they learned more about epilepsy and his seizures, allowing them to help him when he needed it but give him enough space. That's how the years went, George became an isolated kid as he took interests in academics but avoided an active lifestyle out of caution of his own condition. Which lead us to this day, where George sat in a call with his friends, acting dumb in front of a large audience. 

YouTube and streaming came as a Hail Mary for George, as he lacked the physicality for a real job and avoided communication at all costs. School wasn't hell for the boy but sly digs at his medical condition from boys who had never been in his shoes did chip away at his patience. George had met Dream first, it was through a Minecraft server in which they automatically clicked, sharing their common interests and having light hearted conversations. Then he met Sapnap through Dream, the energetic younger boy bounced off George's humour perfectly, and that was the beginning. Dream had shared how he started posting clips onto YouTube that gained a bit of traction, and managed to convince both of his friends to film a video about a plugin he and George had worked on for a while.

Eventually, the persistent man had managed to convince George to start a group channel with him, and start a channel of his own. Their Twitch careers had begun when Sapnap suggested they test out a plugin for live viewers, which they carried out together and grew their channels exponentially. After a few months this is where they were at, hosting a successful SMP server with many of their great friends. It was perfect.

Well, it was perfect in theory, hiding behind the comfort of his own computer, George was quite a private person despite sharing his face regularly unlike his other friends. He had never found it necessary to tell his colleagues of his... Predicament. George's epilepsy was not something that needed to be shared with his online friends, sure it affected his daily life- however it never became a problem whilst at his computer, he was in control. 

George prided himself in the fact that he could feel an oncoming episode, the pit of anxiety and dread that settled in his stomach soon before acted as a warning signal for him, and it allowed him to avoid preventable situations that may end badly- He was able to prevent capturing his seizures on camera. It was not that he thought he would be rejected for his epilepsy, but the thought of being so vulnerable and lacking control in front of others unsettled him. 

One time, George was sitting through a long plot stream with his friends dipping in and out of his call every now and then, and he began to feel the growing pit in his stomach and the anxious feeling rose slightly, The feeling was only small, but George knew better than to ignore his signals. "Uhh... one second chat, I just have to grab something. Speak to Tommy for a while okay? We can pause the lore for now-" He sniggered as he turned off his camera and microphone on both stream and discord. Luckily for him, his body had decided not to go for the Tonic-Clonic seizure today, in which he would experience full body convulsions and was much more likely to cause injury than others. George's eyes went blank as he stared, unaware, at the wall beside his computer. His mind was unable to form coherent or recognisable thought and the boy became unresponsive. If someone were to look at George they would see how his pupils stared right through them and how he was unresponsive to touch or sound. It wasn't often that he got Absence seizures, not as often as the other kind and he was usually not able to feel an oncoming episode, however he was lucky.

After exactly 21 seconds of his blank stare, George squeezed his eyes closed as he became aware of his senses. These ones had happened a lot more in his childhood, during school. His teachers would often snap at him for 'daydreaming' during class, which left George severely confused once the short seizure had occurred, he would remember nothing of the adults speaking loudly at him, berating him for not paying attention. 

George switched on his camera and microphone as he lifted up his cup of water in his metal glass, sporting a wide eyed look and slight grin. "I'm back chat" he said confidently. George was happy he could continue the stream without worry of an oncoming seizure now, the sound of Tommy's loud voice in his ear bringing him out of his inner thoughts.

\--

It was rare for the secluded man to venture outside, but unfortunately for him it was necessary to go shopping for food, which is why George was currently standing in the fruit aisle of Tesco's. George hadn't managed to get a whole lot of sleep yesterday, too busy messing around on a tester server with Sapnap and lost track of time. He grabbed some berries to go with his oats, the man found that although avoiding certain foods could be stressful, it allowed him to maintain a more healthy diet and not resort to a YouTuber diet of takeaway and McDonalds. 

The short male took a deep breath as he rubbed his eyes, a feeling stirring in his stomach that he chose to ignore. Exhaustion creeped up on him as he continued to shop, however eventually he made it to the queue where he could finally pay. After around 2 minutes of waiting, George felt a sudden stronger surge of anxiety in the pit of his stomach, and had little warning before his body tensed and was falling onto the floor. George's muscles tensed and his back arched as he went stiff. Onlookers watched as the boy fell, panicked look in their eyes as they were unaware what to do in this situation. 

"Call an ambulance!" A woman shouted in a high pitched voice, and a tall, brown haired man scrambled to grab his phone and dial 999 behind her. By this point, Georges body had began convulsing as his muscles tensed and relaxed, causing the other shoppers to look on in fear. Eventually, a store worker made it over to the troubled crowd and placed a hoodie, offered from another shopper, under his head as he turned him on his side. If George's mum were there she would advise them not to call an ambulance, as it was a waste of his and their time. Only if they lasted over 5 minutes would they do so, as his seizures were not harmful unless he happened to injure himself on his surroundings or something.

After 2 and a half minutes George's body relaxed as it came to an end, however his eyes remained closed for moments after. "You're alright, you are in the supermarket and you had a seizure, an ambulance is on the way" The shop worker said in a calm voice which took a while to process in George's recovering mind. His eyes opened slowly and his eyes darted around, looking at the group of people who eyed him wearily, "Give him some space guys- Yeah back up." the worker said to the strange people surrounding him. George didn't notice how his breath had begun to pick up speed, but the lessening crowd helped his heart rate to return back to normal. However as he came to consciousness a thought passed through his mind that caused panic to wash over him in waves as he jerked his head to look down at himself and his lap, but breathed a sigh of relief seeing how he had not lost control fully. That would be way more embarrassing for him. Of course it was not his fault what his body did, his actions were involuntary but it didn't stop the humiliation that came with losing control of his bladder or seizing in public. 

"Thank y-you" George slurred to the young man who watched over him, still not fully aware of his surroundings and himself but feeling thankful nevertheless. His bones ached with exhaustion from his temple to his toes, the man felt like he would never be able to move again. He knew this was an exaggeration and that he would sleep it off, but in this moment he felt the pain in his bones at full force. In the distance he heard the rustle where the paramedics had arrived, and he shifted onto his back so he could see them approaching. 

"Hello there mate, is everything okay?" One of the paramedics asked as they kneeled at his side. "Yeah, I have epilepsy, I don't know how long I was out for though..." George responded out of necessity, even his tongue felt foreign in his mouth as he pushed to get his words out. "Uhh... around 3 minutes I'd say? I wasn't here the whole time- I'm Simon". It was a really repetitive process for George, having had his fair few seizures in public. They ended up leaving without taking George to the hospital, which he was thankful for, all he wanted to do was go home and have a good sleep. Simon had put all of his shopping in bags and George handed in the money whilst in a seat to the side, and he had called for a taxi home- He wasn't feeling up to waiting at the bus stop today.

A few hours later, George had taken a shower and was now lying in bed ready to sleep off his exhaustion, when his phone started going off. Typical. He raised his arm sluggishly to grab his phone and saw that he was being invited to a discord call by Dream, presumably a group call. Deciding to answer since he had nothing else going on, he clicked accept. "Hello" He spoke, slightly slurred as he was just about ready to fall asleep. It was Alex who greeted him first "Georgeee- We're poppin' off, we got Dream on Jackbox" This made him huff out a laugh, he knew that Quackity had been trying to convince Dream to play with them sometime, and was aware that Dream definitely called him for help with the chaotic group. The discord call showed that there were 8 people in the call, him, Dream, Quackity, Karl, Tubbo, Niki and Wilbur, quite the group. 

"Hey George!" Niki said sweetly, her quiet voice was much more pleasant on his tired ears than the others. "Hi Niki, I'm ti-red" He said, emphasising his point with a big yawn. "Awhh... Who forced you in here? Get some sleep" She cooed at him, he played into her kind persona to give him the sympathy he craved. "Dream- He called me" He whined to her in a half real and half played up voice. "It's not my fault you're a baby, I needed saving..." This made the entirety of the call burst out in giggles, someone stating how they had been bullying Dream for over an hour. "Isn't it only like- 9 here Gogy?" Wilbur asked quietly, clearly teasing but his tone was brotherly and held some concern. "Yeah something like that... I just had a long day, I went shopping" He stated truthfully. "You left your room? That's possible?" Tubbo teased light heartedly, all of them knowing how secluded George could be. They returned to their game eventually but George stayed in the call to listen to whatever conversations were occurring, the constant stream of chatter helped to lull him to sleep. As he was half conscious and still in the call, George felt his arm violently jerk sideways, the tense rippled throughout his whole body to startle and he knocked his phone off his bed from beside him- oops. Taking a deep breath, he collected his phone- still intact- off the floor as the people in the call questioned what happened. "Sorry about that... I dropped it" He laughed alongside the others and placed his phone back in its rightful spot and drifted to sleep again.

\--

It was weeks later when George was scheduled to go on a stream with Wilbur, Niki, Sapnap, Phil, Techno and Karl. It was quite an unusual group for streaming, which is why George was quite nervous, they had some kind of Jackbox night planned, they had become quite regular by now but George hawd hit a sub goal and planned for a big Jackbox night to host. Dream said that he should get together a mix of new people so there would be more hype, which is hy he was in this spot right now. Of course he had been stressing over it the whole day, barely eating out of nerves, he had only ever spoken to Techno or Phil on the Dream smp for lore so this was basically like meeting new people. "Chat! Hello, yes it's finally sub goal stream time." he said "I bet you're wondering who the _big_ lineup for today is... Well, we have Sapnap and Karl of course- Then we have Niki and Wilbur" He let out a fake gas as he pulled a face "Then... Drumroll? We have-" George laughed anxiously "I don't know why I'm nervous chat... We have Philza Minecraft and Technoblade" He exclaimed cheerily, glancing at chat to see their reaction. As expected they began freaking out in excitement. "I told you it was special" He smiled over at his monitor, happy that he was able to make his viewers happy like this. I t was always gratifying to see their reactions.

After the awkward introductions when he joined the discord call, they began playing Quiplash, which was the current cause for George laughing loudly at some dumb joke Karl had made about Phil, his dumb humour never failed to make him laugh. What George chose to ignore was the pit that was slowly growing in his stomach, easily mistaken for anxiety of meeting new people, which was stupid in hindsight. George hadn't been careful enough when managing his self care and looking for warning signs that day. The rounds continued as normal, but as they started a new game of Patently Stupid, George got a wave of dread that washed over him. His expression shifted and it wasn't long before his muscles contracted and George fell onto the floor from his chair with little warning, his brain did not have the coherence to handle any precautions seconds before he fell to the floor, meaning his camera and microphone were left untouched and working. Falling on the floor behind him, George knocked over his green screen sheet, meaning that the camera could see the ground. Specifically, they could see George and where his chair had been abandoned beside him. 

The chat had witnessed him fall, however many didn't identify it as a seizure as George was still stock still after 20 seconds, but his muscles began convulsing after half a minute. "Chat, what are you talking about? what happened?" Phil said worriedly, he had Georges stream chat pulled up without the visuals. "What?" Karl asked "Chat- George?" Phil said in a louder voice this time as he frantically moved to pull up George's video. On his stream camera, Phil saw how George's body shook on the floor, surrounded by objects and things which he could knock into, headphones still atop the black haired man's head, albeit messily. "Oh fuck" He panicked "Will, do we fuckin' call an ambulance?" He asked quickly, no clue what to do next. He heard the others exclaim swears as they saw what was happening. "Fuck, he's having a seizure man, Sapnap does he have these? Epilepsy or somethin'" Techno asked George's closer friend. "I- No? I don't know... One second" He stuttered out an answer. He scrambled to add Dream to the call, maybe he knew more than himself. "Yeah? What's up?" Dream said innocently. "Dream, does George have seizures? He's having a fit. We're still on stream, us and chat are freaking out" Dream pulled up the stream and saw George still shaking on screen. "Uhh... No, not that I know of- Have you called an ambulance?" He worried. "Don't call the Ambulance yet, it's only been 2 minutes" Techno said, looking away from his timer. 

On George's end, headphones lay uncomfortably on his head as he kicked out his legs into his desk- that would definitely hurt later. Finally after 3 minutes of stress on the other end of the call, George lay still again. "George? Hello? Techno are you sure we shouldn't call someone?" Niki said gently. "Give him a minute" He responded. "Talk to him, _gently_ explain what's goin' on" He emphasised to the others. After a few moments, Karl began speaking aimlessly at the boy, explaining what was going on and saying random irrelevant things. 

They heard a grunt on the other end of the call, George startled awake. Where was he? Why was he so uncomfortable? Why did his head hurt so bad? Then he heard voices muttering to him quietly, he felt pressure over his ears that he recognised as his headphones. Lifting his arm slowly, he fixed the headphones over his ears so he could hear more clearly. "-rge? You there bud? You were streaming and had a fit, don't worry. Dream and Sapnap are here too" Karl comforted him. Wait- He was streaming? It wasn't abnormal for George to suddenly have these episodes but- In his sudden confusion and panic he moved into a sitting position and looked toward to see that Karl was right, his stream was still set up. That's when he felt the cause for discomfort underneath him, looking down he saw wetness at the cause of his fit. Groaning and covering his face in embarrassment he didn't vocalise any response to the others. He had no idea what to do, on one hand he needed to address his seizure and the other he needed to get- changed- and rest his body. "Take it slow Georgie, you're okay. Do we need to call an ambulance though?" Dream asked softly. "N-No, n-not if it w's short" The others understood what he was trying to say. "Alright Gogy, can you click end on your stream for us? Is that okay?" Wilbur asked in his usual voice, but is cautious to be quiet as to not cause more headaches. He followed the instructions, much to his body's protests. As he clicked end, he made a face as he felt the pain and result of his episode. He did not have it in him to be worried about his public image at this point. 

He sat for a while, still, as the other people in the call talked to him as George came to his senses. However, George did feel that this meeting would soon need to come to an end. "Uhmm... Thank you- all- for staying... I just gotta go" He stated bluntly. "Are you okay? Why do you need to go?" Sapnap asked worriedly, showing concern that he felt for his best friend. "Well- You know- I have epilepsy so I have a lot of... A lot of seizures and some- sometimes..." He began, stuttering for what to say, he was embarrassed. He didn't know how much his friends knew about his condition. "You- uh- You fully lost control of your... your muscles yeah?" Techno asked timidly, he didn't want to be so blunt but wanted to reassure the man that they understood. George agreed and his friends told him how they love him, and how they were sorry they couldn't do much for him. They were there to talk, or for anything if he wanted. He felt loved. Despite the stress he was sure to feel later, George was content to take a shower and relax for the night. He was thankful for his friends. The internalised thought that they might reject him for his problems was ignored. With Wilbur's stream pulled up as he played guitar, George relaxed into the bed and fell asleep. The bones that ached now would heal, he was okay. Support was the most important part of his life, if he had this struggle at least he had people to complain to hen he needed, and that was okay.

_fin_

\-- 

Author's Note:

So... What about this eh? I didn't want to glamorise seizures and the struggles but I needed some comfort in my bones. Hope you know a lil' more about epilepsy now. If you have a disability, condition etc that you feel I could write about and show more representation and possibly educate people feel free to leave a suggestion. 

WLYM <3


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